Remembering Tokyo

Back in November 2004 I did a risky thing with a courtesan I call Sanura: we playacted our way through a series of business meetings. In retrospect the entire notion seems insane, but at the time it was a lot of fun. The nadir of the experience was mind fucking Bob and Doug, two associates of a finance demigod I called The Man.

Wouldn't you know it, later on I end up partnering with The Man on a set of projects, handing over virtually all my Asia business dealings. When I last wrote about this, there had been no repercussion from my little trick with his associates, but I knew he was curious.

In the last year The Man has raised Big Money for projects, and by Big Money I mean a number followed by enough zeros to overflow a calculator. Hey, he's The Man! In order to manage this expansion of capital The Man suggested we hire Doug to manage our Asia operations out of Hong Kong, and Bob to manage out of London. (Doug had been bored out of his investment bank position shortly after the first time I had met him.) I was very hesitant. I mean, I really fucked with Bob and Doug, and the questions they might have might be, um, embarrassing. The Man suggested other country heads as well, but those names don't hold this special attention for me. He also strongly recommended I make an offer to Doug as soon as possible, before he took one of many offers from hedge funds.

I've profiled Doug before, there's no doubt he has qualifications. He also went through a kind of karmic remorse that I have commonly found in successful investment bankers who don't go on to run investment banks, and fund managers: they harbor a semi-secret dream to go do something useful and real and cash constrained, like a startup, almost as if they feel guilty about the zillions of dollars they have made from clients for adding little or no real value. I tell you, when they get deep into drink, you'll hear a lot of this from these big shot deal guys, lamenting their true socio-economic contribution while they jealously eye the struggling entrepreneur -- of course from their position of considerable liquidity! Of course they rarely actually take the cut in compensation to do a startup, and when they do, they rarely succeed. Doug went this route for a short time and had small successes but was hunting for some big game that was NOT a rehash of the work he had already mastered. He seemed very interested and motivated in partnering with The Man again. And hiring qualified and motivated people is always a key to success.

So I guess I had to meet Bob and Doug again, two and a half years later, and again in Tokyo.

So here is the scene:

I have been in Tokyo with Jenny for several days. We have a favorite sushi chef we always visit atop the Tokyo Opera City Tower. We have a favorite park where we like to run around on the play structures, to the amusement of children and their guardians alike. We have a favorite karaoke place where private rooms range in eclectic style from a dancing pole and bunk beds, to a twelve person hot tub. The world's largest city has a never-ending diversity of clubs, restaurants, and other venues, and the fetishist culture offers so much to see, if not experience. Service is almost always superb in that Japanese way, and luxury is uniquely both common and unobtrusive. I'm not sure I fully grok Tokyo, but I enjoy it.

The setting has moved from the Grand Hyatt and Park Hyatt to the Mandarin Oriental.

Allow me a short note on this hotel: I only like half the hotels in the Mandarin Oriental group, although none of them are terrible. While the concierges, bell and wait staff at the Tokyo Mandarin Oriental were excellent, I have to say the food, suites and spa didn't measure up to the Park Hyatt in Tokyo, or, say, the Mandarin Oriental's own Landmark or renovated eponymous hotel in Hong Kong.

Back to the story: I should mention that at the point of this meeting Bob and Doug are both already hired. They went through an extensive interview process at our home office. Bob has been working as the head of operations in Asia for several months already and is preparing for a London office. Doug is scheduled to start up in the summer, after he dispenses with a few personal issues involving women who he does not intend to bring with him to Hong Kong. So I am not really interviewing them, per se, I am welcoming them.

I am meeting Bob and Doug over a late dinner at Sense, the Chinese restaurant at the Mandarin Oriental. Tomorrow they will conduct me to a meeting with the president of one of Japan's largest securities companies. After that Jenny and I will part ways; she will be taking care of some of her business while I will head to China to take care of some of mine. We will meet back up about a week later for a trip to South America.

Earlier today Jenny and I had three hours of treatment at the Spa at the Mandarin Oriental in their couple’s suite. The treatments were excellent, with two lovely and well-trained therapists, but the couple’s suite was disappointing when compared to the Landmark in Hong Kong. The suite at the Landmark was designed for fooling around, and the spa gave you ample time -- and even a bed, sauna, jetted pool, and chaise -- in which to do so. The equivalent suite at the Mandarin Oriental was always chaperoned.Yes, there can be too much good service.

We made up for this; the time after the spa appointment and before my dinner was occupied with a two hour, mind-blowing lovemaking session in the suite. Synchronization and body and breath control really work together to great effect. I have experienced tantric providers the world over, and although good experiences they were almost always short of fantastic. But the craft Jenny and I have developed under the guidance of her tutor, well, that had been really elevating things to a new level.

Needless to say, between the two sessions, I was relaxed.

A fifteen-minute nap and a shower later, Jenny is ordering room service while I have greeted Bob and Doug at Sense. We are seated on two sides of a table that abuts the 37th floor view. Doug is seated at one end, and then myself and Bob. So I am flanked.

Dinner conversation starts out slow, like a rusty wheel bearing. A spot of alcohol serves as social lubricant. As the tasting menu progresses we predictably warm up. We share status and plans, ideas and visions. But from time to time there are these odd, pregnant pauses. There is clearly something on their minds.

At a point after a few bottles of wine have been consumed, Doug breaks one of these pregnant pauses with, "Sig, you have to tell me," and while eyeing Bob continues, "who was that Sanura gal?"

It turns out that Bob, since joining the organization, has been discreetly trying to figure out where she fit. Although Sanura and I had created an email address for her at the home office as well as business cards, she did not appear on any organizational charts, nor did anybody seem to know of any female staff I had hired from George Soros.

They had asked The Man, who basically brushed them off saying it wasn’t important.

I chide them for their inability to execute this bit of diligence and ask them to share their theories. I pose it as a challenge. Doug hypothesizes she is a hidden protege. Bob thinks she is a contractor used for special projects. But I know they are thinking something else. I can tell. So I call bullshit. I tell them they have to justify their hypothesis and that those were unsupported. I berate them for poor thinking and question whether they were hiring errors.

My challenge cannot go unanswered. Their manhood called into question, they throw caution to the wind and reveal that their real theory is that I have a hidden fund of "at least $100 million," and that Sanura both manages the fund and is my secret mistress.

Privately I am fascinated that these very intelligent and worldly men cannot seem to even theorize that Sanura is not financially sophisticated at all, and that they would recognizer her as a junior peer, a sole fund manager. Was Sanura’s play acting so convincing? Or is there really no difference between play acting and being a truly capable financier? Maybe there is less difference between a former banker and a former provider. Food for thought.

I test this. They are utterly convinced that she had financial acumen, that she slept with me, and that I kept her hidden from my principal organization. Everything else is triangulated around those data points.

I am sorry, Sanura, if you are reading this because I know you loved maintaining this fiction, but I told them the truth. Part of me wishes you were there to see the reaction because it was beautiful to behold. Two men who probably have backslapped each other countless times for how they tricked others into lucrative financial instruments were themselves punk'd by a young, leggy, financially-naive provider.

They took it well. In fact at a follow up meeting Doug confessed that he would really like to meet Sanura again, professionally. I told him I had lost contact with her.

I know Bob and Doug now have a unique memory of Tokyo, the two days they were punk'd by Sigmund Fuller and an escort, and how it led to their investment of time and money in a multibillion dollar enterprise.

Now that's a provider that was worth the money!